Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Just A Shadow
Always there, but no one cares,
and no one notices.
It wouldn't matter if the shadow was gone.
It wouldn't effect any one.
It wouldn't effect anything.
It doesn't make anything better,
or anything worse.
It's pointless.
It's good for nothing.
It is nothing.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Teeth
Someone once said ones strength is in ones teeth.
And that could very easily be true.
As you grow from being a tiny baby, teeth slowly grown in as you grow.
And then slowly but surely you become old, and your teeth fall out.
And eventually you die.
Hm...
15 Years
I'm being replaced by a dog.
She's even stolen my name. My name.
I'd say I don't care, but it's far from the case.
I do. A lot.
She's not even cute. Far from it.
Ooh she's rare and she'll live fifteen years.
That's good. That's great.
See if I even remember her fifteen years from now;
When I'm thirty, happily married,
To a gorgeous successful man,
With adorable kids, a beautiful house,
And a thriving business.
You and your little dog will be the last thing on my mind.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
He Was A Lobster for Halloween
I’ve never had a problem with death. At least, not the idea of it. It’s how one died that makes it hard.
The box of tissues near the entrance was quickly being emptied. Each persons hugs were long, tight, and meaningful. Dave said she’d be happy to see me. And although I’m sure Chris didn’t know my name, he held out his arms and embraced me in a tight hug. It felt more like he was comforting me than I him…
Posters of pictures lined the side of the room. He had big blue eyes, and a wide, adorable, toothless grin.
Now he looked painted, like a little porcelain doll with perfect skin. He was a big boy. Dressed in perfect white. I wanted to believe he was asleep but the way he was laying and the way his arms were placed looked too stiff. A small Buzz Lightyear cell phone was tucked in next to his leg. I remember holding him. I remember making him smile. I remember making him giggle.
She looked completely dazed. Eyes wide, staring off into space, completely glazed over. And she looked so thin, so pale. I watched as she hugged the few people in front of me. There was a break in the line. She began to shake. I thought she was going to fall over, then she stumbled for a seat.
She was so beautiful. She was so detached. Her baby was gone. And my heart ached for her.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Boo
"Please." I begged.
"No" She said, her little voice getting louder.
I held my face in my hands and made sobbing noises. I had their attention. They were very quiet.
I popped my head up and exclaimed, "Boo!"
The littlest one jumped. He looked horrified. The other children laughed, and I joined them. The little one watched the others, unsure of what to do.
Then he laughed nervously.
He turned quickly when I called his name. I bent my knees so I was closer to his height and held out my arms. He ran, full speed, with a grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around my neck, shockingly tight, as I wrapped my arms around his tiny torso, lifting him off the ground. We squoze each other.
"We'll play soon." I whispered in his ear.
"Okay." He said, in his little, helium voice.
I kissed his cheek and let him go reluctantly.
25 Random
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).
1 - I kindof really like things like this.
2 - The only two drinks I really like are water and I'm picky about my water.And chocolate milk sometimes. I do drink hot chocolate, but not very often. I don’t like juices and the carbonation in soda hurts my face.
3 – I love my TV shows. I love a lot of them. My top faves being Scrubs (I am so gloriously happy it’s back) Pushing Daisies (I’m crushed they’re killing it) The Office, 30 Rock, My Name is Earl, Heroes (which at times can be a bit too gory for me) and Chuck.Tivo Rocks.
4 – I love odd-ball artists (singers) like Bright Eyes (listen to First Day of my life) Robert Pattinson, Cary Brothers, Aqualung, and Alexia Murdoch. I love that kind of music despite the sometimes off-tune, mumbling singing styles.
5 – I’m proud of my blogs and my growing technical abilities.
6 – At the start of this school year, I made the goal to make my senior year my best (academic) year. And I’m really proud of myself because I feel like, so far, I’ve done that. My grades have been good, and I’ve enjoyed all of my classes and teachers and been able to learn a lot.
7 – I can’t wait to graduate. I love my teachers, but I don’t feel like I have any close friends in High School. All of my really close friends and three or more years older than I am…. And I’m really done with the immature drama.
8 – My only fear about graduating is having to graduate seminary. I love seminary. I love all of my teachers and all of the great lessons I’ve learned there. And yes, I look forward to institute, but…. For some reason, in my head I view it as just a breading ground for hopeful singles. And I’m all for that. Many of you know how badly I want to get married. But if a breading ground is all it is, then I worry it will loose the spiritual factor of seminary…..
9 – I really want to get married.
10 – I really want a baby. I’ve been called not just baby hungry, but baby starved. I love babies. I love kids. (Happy to baby-sit = )
11- I love writing (actual hand writing) letters. I think computers are ruining that. Soon, in the future journals and notes will all be on computers. That will be so lame for our future generations to read. Yes, our stories may be great, but hand written things, to me are just so much more heartfelt and real….
12 – I am a dedicated (ok, I have been slacking a bit lately) journaler. I have notebooks full and I am still filling more.
13 – I would love to one day to have my own sandwich shop/ bakery.
14 – I kind of wish Megan hadn’t cut her hair.
15 – When I was very little, my dad took me to the Mount Timpanogos temple open house. Ever since then, that has been the temple I have loved and will get married in. On Wednesday, for young womens, we went to the Draper temple open house. I was nervous I would be torn between the two temples. I didn’t want to have to have that sort of inner battle. And it was a very spiritual experience and a very beautiful temple, but thankfully, I’m not at all torn.
16 – I wonder if any one will actually read this…..
17 – I love avocados.
18 – I enjoy cooking and I look forward to doing it in my own home, but I have no doubt that on some days I’ll get sick of it.
19 – Megan and I have been considering teaching Kenpo Karate out of our house. We’re both black belts.
20 – I was I think 15 when I got my black belt. We did a physical test and then a private test, and then an open one where we just show off all of our best stuff. I had a lot of spectators. Brook and Jon came (Brook was my babysitter when we lived in PG – like extended family) a guy I knew named Steve came, I think he’s like two years older then me. And my BF Kyla came. She brought a huge poster that she had made that said Go Adria. It was awesome. My best form (a long series of movements put together, almost like a dance where you take you people out) was a double nun chuck form. I had two nun chucks, one in each hand spinning. My instructor called it my masterpiece and said I was the best at it out of any of the pervious kids to receive a black belt. If I find the video of me doing it, I’ll post it.
21 – I love love love ice cream. It’s really my only big “weakness”.
22 – Lately, I haven’t been able to eat fast foody things. It makes me really sick. But I guess that’s good.
23 – I really really miss my grandpa. I knew I would miss him a lot even before he moved in with us. One day, while looking through my creative writing notebook, where I have poems and crots (a random writing – like a random chapter from a larger story) and story outlines, I found a crot I had wrote on 10/29/08 talking about how much I would miss Grandpa when he passed…..
24 – This is way too long. I’m sorry.
25 – I apologize a lot. I have a lot of things I feel I am sorry for.
Monday, January 5, 2009
George and Polly
On New Years Eve I wrote the rest of the story. It came out to be about ten pages. I don't think it's too bad, so here I'm posting it here for you to read.
“Be safe please.” She said.
Polly rolled her eyes, nodding, “I will, don’t worry.”
A car horn sounded outside. Polly lifted her trunk, handed Nibs to her mother and headed out to the car waiting for her outside. Betty Kelly, one of Polly’s best friends, slid out of the car.
“I’m so excited! Are you?” Betty asked.
Polly nodded, “I can’t wait.”
They were soon to be on their way to the Towag summer camp for youth. Betty was going and wanting to bring a friend for the trip so her parents had paid for Polly.
“This camp is so much fun!” Betty said mid-way through their drive to the camp. Polly sighed and nodded.
“I know. You’ve said that.”
Betty was a good friend to Polly, but she wasn’t her favorite friend. Polly wasn’t known for being a patient person and she could only handle so much of Betty. But she was looking forward to the camp none the less.
“This is the third year I’ve gone. I’ve loved it both years. I have no doubt this will be any different.” Betty added.
Polly nodded in response.
“There are a lot of cute boys there.” Betty continued. She leaned in close to Polly and whispered, “Last year I had a little fun with a really cute boy.” Betty giggled quietly as she sat up straight again. “You’ll love it!”
Polly shrugged. She was excited, but obviously not as excited as Betty.
After the long drive the girls finally arrived at the camp they both (mainly Betty) were so excited to be at. They checked in and found their assigned cabin where they set out their belongings. By the time they had settled in and explored their new surroundings it was lunch time. They headed to the cafeteria along with a number of other young adults.
As they walked Betty gripped Polly’s arm and whispered, “Oh Polly! Look at all these cute boys!” Polly nodded, eyeing the young men passing them. Betty added, “This will be a fun week!” Polly laughed quietly.
The food that was served was dull and unexciting. Polly missed her own delicious, home-made meals and half wished she could take over the kitchen.
They ate their bland meal quickly and escaped into the refreshing sunlight. They made their way down to the large sparkly lake at the south end of the camp.
“Let’s swim!” Betty said,
But Polly refused, “No. No way.”
Betty sighed, “Oh come on. It will be fun!” Polly shook her head, looking serious. Betty pouted, “Fine. Can we boat?” Polly shook her head.
“Would you boat with me?” A deep voice asked behind them. They both turned and, now in front of them, stood a tall, handsome young man. He had dark brown hair and wore a simple white t-shirt and jeans. He smiled warmly down at Polly. Polly looked serious and confused back at him.
“She’d love to!” Betty said, again gripping Polly’s arm. Polly glared at her then turned to the young man,
“No thank you.” She said and walked past him, away from the lake. She could hear Betty groan behind her. Betty stomped her feet on the ground as she fallowed Polly.
“What was that about? Why didn’t you say yes? He was cute.” Betty said, sounding angry. Polly shrugged,
“I don’t like water, you know that.” Betty rolled her eyes.
“So? You can’t live through a little boat ride so you can be alone with a cute boy? Obviously he likes you.”
Polly rolled her eyes this time, “I doubt that.”
Betty sighed.
Since Polly refused to return to the lake, or be anywhere near it, they found other activities to do. They made jewelry in the mess hall for an hour. Polly enjoyed that, she enjoyed crafts. Then they joined a group of girls in a basketball game. Polly liked basketball too. She had been on a team when she was in high school. It was something she missed.
“This is the last year we’ll be able to go to this camp.” Betty said as they walked to the cafeteria for dinner. “Nineteen is the age limit here. It’s understandable I suppose, but it does make me sad. This is like our last summer to be… Kids.” Polly nodded. She understood how Betty felt, but she herself felt ready to grow up. She was looking forward to the future.
“What are your plans now?” Polly asked.
“Plans? Like when the summers done?” Betty asked, seeming confused. Polly nodded, wondering if Betty was a good person to talk about “growing-up” plans with.
“Well, I don’t really know. I guess I could go to school. But honestly… I’d much rather just be married.” Polly laughed quietly.
“Yeah that would be nice. But don’t you want to learn more? Do you really want to have children so soon?”
“Well, I don’t really know. I haven’t thought about it much. I’m only nineteen. But wouldn’t it be so nice to find some charming, handsome, decently well off young man to put a pretty little ring on your finger and call you his wife?”
Polly nodded, “Yeah. It would be nice.”
“Well what are your plans?” Betty asked. Polly smiled,
“I am going to be a nurse. I’ve joined the United States Cadet Nurse Corps. Starting when the summer ends, they will train me and give me employment and my education will be of no cost to me.”
Betty looked shocked, “A nurse? For the war? Won’t that be gross?”
Polly shrugged, “Maybe, but I want to help. I can’t enlist. I wouldn’t really want to anyways, but this seems good.”
When they got to the mess hall they joined a line of students.
“Why is there this line? Let’s sneak to the front.” Betty said, holding Polly’s hand and tugging her along. When they reached the front of the line they were greeted by a smiling face and a cheerful hello. Polly was shocked; before them stood the young man from the lake. Polly pulled her hand out of Betty’s grip and stepped back.
“Oh, hello again!” Betty said cheerfully, giving Polly a quick grin. “Why is there a line? Isn’t it time for dinner?”
The young man nodded, “It is. Or at least, it is as far as I know, but for some reason they haven’t unlocked the door.”
Betty sighed, “Oh, but I’m so hungry. And so is Polly.” She said, elbowing her friend who glared back at her.
“Well in that case, someone better fix that.” He said, smiling down out Polly who continued to look shocked. The young man pulled a thin black hair comb from his back pocket turned toward the door and slid it in the crack between the two large doors. He pulled the comb up through the space and the girls heard the quiet click of the lock. He opened the door and held it open for the girls, smiling. Betty gasped and clapped her hands.
“Oh,” Polly said, “So that’s how you break into places.” The young man smiled and chuckled quietly and directed her inside with a wave of his hand.
The dinner was yet another bland meal. It consisted of dry ham, slightly burnt macaroni, and over done peas and string beans. Polly dismally pushed her meal around with a fork.
“He definitely likes you Polly. He hardly took his eyes off of you. He is cute.” Betty said. She had been chatty the entire meal, more so then normal, and was practically bouncing in her seat.
“I don’t know. Maybe he likes you.” Polly said, seeming uninterested in their conversation.
“That would be nice, but it’s you he likes.” Betty said. Polly shrugged. Betty giggled, “I’m sure of it.” she said, nudging Polly. Polly turned to see the young man walking toward them. She sighed quietly. He came and stood behind them.
“Hello, how is your meal? You haven’t eaten much.” He said to Polly.
Polly nodded, “I don’t really like the food here.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want me to get you something else?” He asked.
Polly looked confused, “What else is there to eat?”
“Well, we’re really only supposed to go during free time, but there are lots of places to get food less then a mile away.” He said smiling. Betty smiled at Polly. “I’ll take you if you’d like.” Polly shrugged. Betty nodded to Polly.
Betty turned to the young man, “You haven’t said yet. What is your name?”
“I’m so sorry. My name is George.” He said, holding out his hand. Betty shook it.
“I’m Betty. And this is Polly.” She said.
“Hi Polly.” George said holding his hand out to her. She shook it briefly. “So, would you like to join me? Betty is more than welcome to come too.” He added.
Betty shook her head, “Oh no, I have plans with friends. But you two should go.” She said, nodding, staring Polly down. Polly sighed quietly.
“Sure. I am hungry.” Polly said. George’s smile widened.
“Thank you. Are you ready now?” He asked.
Betty stood, tugging on Polly’s arm, “Yes she is.” Polly glared at her friend, but stood.
George led her out and away from the camp into a dimly lit little town. He took them down to the main street where there were a number of stores and a handful of people moving in and out of them.
“You seem to know where you’re going.” Polly said.
George nodded, “I do. I’ve been to this camp every year since I was twelve. I like it a lot here. Is this your first year? I’ve never seen you before.”
Polly nodded, “Yes, this is my first year. Betty’s parents paid my way.”
“That’s nice. You’re lucky. She seems like a nice girl.”
Polly nodded, “Yeah, I’ve known her for a while, and her family. They’re nice people.”
“So, what are you hungry for?” George asked as they came towards the center of Main Street.
“Hmm…” Polly said, turning, looking at all the choices she had. “What do you like?” She asked him.
Polly nodded, “Sounds good.” And George led her into the diner. The diner was a cute little restaurant that had a red and white color scheme. To Polly the smell of the diner was delicious, and reminded her of home. To the right of the diner spread a long, perfect white counter and behind it stood an older gentleman who was serving a customer cola. He looked at them as they walked in and a smile spread across his aged face.
“George! I knew I’d be seeing you sometime soon.” He said. George strolled up to the bar and shook hands with the man.
“Hello Harvey. How are you?”
“I’m good thanks. How are you? Who is this pretty little lady?” Harvey said, smiling down at Polly. George smiled.
“This is Polly, a friend I met at the camp. Polly, this is Harvey.” George said.
Polly smiled and shook Harvey’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.” Harvey said, “What can I get for you two today?”
George shrugged, “We’ll sit down and look over one of your menus, then let you know.”
Harvey nodded, handing them two menus. “I’ll be waiting.”
They sat down in a padded booth and George handed her a menu.
The food was good and so was the conversation. They talked about everything from their families and friends, their likes and dislikes, their accomplishments and goals. Polly found that George loved to camp. This wasn’t his first, or last of the summer. George also liked to swim, and boat and hike. He lived in New York and made a good living working for Kodak.
She explained that she was living in Pennsylvania with her mom and had joined the NCC. She talked about how she liked to cook and bake and sew and knit and how she loved cats.
They finished their filling meal, George paid for them both, and they walked back to the camp in the dark. They continued to talk, and they didn’t seem to run out of things to talk about.
George walked her all the way to her cabin.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” He asked.
Polly nodded, “Sure.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Thank you. This was nice.” Polly was surprised, but she’d actually had a good time.
“I’m glad you think so.” He said smiling. Polly nodded.
“Well, good night.” She said.
“Good night.”
To Polly’s disappointment, the camp was short and lasted only four more days, of which she spent all with George. Each day they went down into the little main street they had gone to their first night and ate better food then they could find at camp.
“I have some bad news.” George said, as they ate their lunch.
“What’s that?” Polly asked. George put down his burger.
“I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I have another camp to go to, so I have to leave early.” He said. Polly put down her fork, a disappointed look darkening her face.
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly.
Polly nodded, “Me too.”
“But at least we still have today.” George said. Polly nodded. “Let’s try and make today a good one.” He added. Polly nodded.
When lunch was over and done with they walked back to camp. George got a big blanket out of his cabin and he and Polly relaxed in the shade under a big tree.
“I’m really glad I came here.” Polly said.
George nodded, “Me too.”
That sat in silence for a while until George asked, “Would you boat with me?”
Polly’s eyes widened, “You know I don’t like water.”
George nodded, “I know, but don’t you trust me? I promise you’ll be safe.” Polly looked nervous and unsure but she nodded.
George had brought his own canoe which he carried on top of his shoulders over to the lake. Polly watched as he let it out into the water and held one edge at the shore. “Are you ready?” He asked her. She stared out at the lake, then at him, and nodded. He took her hand and helped her into the boat. He carefully got in after her and then pushed them away from shore. Polly sat at one end of the canoe, wringing her hands and looking nervous.
“Relax.” George laughed. “Trust me.” Polly smiled slightly. He paddled out to the center of the big lake and then pulled the ore inside and let them drift.
“It’s been a good week.” George said. Polly nodded. “I have something for you.” He said. He leaned back and out of his front pocket pulled out a little velvet bag. He held it in his palm and pulled from it a thin gold chain that from it hung a little locket. He held it out to Polly who took it with a slightly shaking hand.
“I bought this for you in town. I thought you might like it. It’s something to remember me by. I can send you a picture of me to put in it later.” He said.
Polly smiled, “I love it. Thank you.” She said and carefully put it around her neck. George reached across the canoe and took her hands in his.
“We’ve talked a lot this week, about a lot of things.” He said, “I think that we have a lot in common and have the same goals. Polly, I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I love you, and I want to be with you.”
Polly’s smile widened. “Yes. I love you too. I want to be with you.”
George smiled. He leaned across the canoe and kissed her softly.
They both left the camp by the end of that week, but those memories never left their minds or hearts. They corresponded by letter and were married soon after.
Grandpa wakes up early most days. That morning he had gone down and was eating his frosted flakes that he always eats each morning at the table. On the table was the story I had wrote. His late wife's name caught his eye and he read the whole thing. He says he loves it and that I had put a lot of stuff that had actually happened without even knowing it.