The face i held was familiar,
as was his voice.
But his words and tone were new,
and uncharacteristic.
He use to be mine.
But this was not mine.
He was something different.
More so than I think even he realises.
His false feelings and sincerity
only more clearly define
the painful changes of which he refuses.
Denial as he lives.
That being same.
But some is still there.
Just as intense and honest.
But he's not there
Any more.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I Love You
"It seemed that all would be bearable if, once only, I could have gone to him and whispered in his ear, I love you."
Till We Have Faces
C.S. Lewis
Choose not to,
that's fine,
that's your choice.
Rather not,
that's your choice.
As you wish.
Say as I feel,
Not for attention,
or to force opinion.
I'll say it anyways.
And I will again.
I don't know what you do,
I don't know how you are,
I know that I love you.
And,
No matter how many times,
Weather it's the first
The first thousand,
It's still true
and sincere,
and forever will be.
It's true
And don't forget it.
I'd rather say how I feel
Than not
And regret it
Forever.
"The bitterest tears
Are over things unsaid."
Always I'll tell,
I love you.
I do.
And it's true.
And always will.
Far From It
He hugged me, and I inhaled the sweet smell of his soft skin off his strong neck.
He smiled. I tried to smile back but it probably looked far from it. His face now held concern, and so did his words as I tried to shrug off how I felt.
I was desperate for something and aiming toward what i thought would work, but when I had it, it didn't feel right, and I wanted to push it away.
I missed his hugs.
And I missed his sweet smell.
But I didn't miss him.
He smiled. I tried to smile back but it probably looked far from it. His face now held concern, and so did his words as I tried to shrug off how I felt.
I was desperate for something and aiming toward what i thought would work, but when I had it, it didn't feel right, and I wanted to push it away.
I missed his hugs.
And I missed his sweet smell.
But I didn't miss him.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Personalized
Strips of paper,
fancy stamps,
dark ink,
and glue,
combined together
to make something new.
Something once old,
and repeated,
now personalized,
and just my own.
fancy stamps,
dark ink,
and glue,
combined together
to make something new.
Something once old,
and repeated,
now personalized,
and just my own.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Awesomeness
It smelled like a musty old storage space where too many people had left too many things that had been forgotten about and were now accumulating dust and becoming home to numerous spiders.
Ancient chairs were thrown into huge piles, mangled together. Huge chest were stacked one on top of the other. All of it mixing together in a cluttered mess that had been made into a nearly daunting maze.
As I wandered through the thin isles, I did so cautiously, trying to distance myself from the dusty furniture. I could imagine dusty old hands reaching out from the mangled cupboards, gripping my arms as I tried to pass.
It was creepy in all it's awesomeness.
Ancient chairs were thrown into huge piles, mangled together. Huge chest were stacked one on top of the other. All of it mixing together in a cluttered mess that had been made into a nearly daunting maze.
As I wandered through the thin isles, I did so cautiously, trying to distance myself from the dusty furniture. I could imagine dusty old hands reaching out from the mangled cupboards, gripping my arms as I tried to pass.
It was creepy in all it's awesomeness.
Comfortable
She looked good, happy, and cute in her thin, silky, black and white polka-dot dress. She smiled and held her arms out. We hugged. Her hair was short and curly. A young man sat next to her, he was quite a contrast next to her tan skin and dark hair.
He smiled, but was quiet.
As she talked I noticed the simple silver ring on her hand that included a little glinting diamond.
They fit well together and she looked comfortable as she held his leg and leaned forward to talk to me.
I marveled over how fast things had changed.
I've always envied her.
He smiled, but was quiet.
As she talked I noticed the simple silver ring on her hand that included a little glinting diamond.
They fit well together and she looked comfortable as she held his leg and leaned forward to talk to me.
I marveled over how fast things had changed.
I've always envied her.
Monday, September 29, 2008
5/18/07
"Though season change, and time goes on,
My love for you, is eternally long.
Yes, trials and change can wear on us,
But never forget that in me you can trust.
I'll hold you close, and dry your
Tears till the end,
I love you Adria, my dearest
friend."
My love for you, is eternally long.
Yes, trials and change can wear on us,
But never forget that in me you can trust.
I'll hold you close, and dry your
Tears till the end,
I love you Adria, my dearest
friend."
Intoduction - Lion Heart
Last school year I had to write a research paper for my creative writing class (most of the things I post here are from that class. I'm taking it again this year.) I wrote it on Lion Heart. But I didn't really like what I had come up with, so I wrote something totally new, last minute, and turned it in instead.
My Lion Heart stuff disappeared for a while, but today, I unearthed it and decided to post some of it here.
My Lion Heart stuff disappeared for a while, but today, I unearthed it and decided to post some of it here.
Background
This multi-genre research paper is on King Richard, Lion Heart. I knew little of him when I began the paper. I only knew of his death, and that’s what interested me. Such a supposedly great man had died in such a…. Undignified manner. At least that’s how it seems to be.
He was born, as far as we know on September 8 in 1157 in Oxford. His father was Henry 11, King of England and his mother was Eleanor of Aquitaine. He was known as the King, or Richard, the Lionheart. He had four brothers and three sisters. But he was thought to be his mothers’ favorite son.
In 1174, along with his brothers, he revolted against his father. In 1179 he conquered the fortress of Taillebourg. In 1179 his brother Henry the Young King died, leaving Richard as the eldest son. In 1188, with the help of King Philip of France he took over much of his fathers land and his father died soon after. Richard was crown king a few months later in September. He left for the Crusades in the summer of 1190 and was married in 1911 to Berengaria. He was taken prisoner in 1191 and remained so until 1194. He was hit by a young, revenge seeking bowman, a shot that later led to infection and killing him. He died April 6, 1199.
He was born, as far as we know on September 8 in 1157 in Oxford. His father was Henry 11, King of England and his mother was Eleanor of Aquitaine. He was known as the King, or Richard, the Lionheart. He had four brothers and three sisters. But he was thought to be his mothers’ favorite son.
In 1174, along with his brothers, he revolted against his father. In 1179 he conquered the fortress of Taillebourg. In 1179 his brother Henry the Young King died, leaving Richard as the eldest son. In 1188, with the help of King Philip of France he took over much of his fathers land and his father died soon after. Richard was crown king a few months later in September. He left for the Crusades in the summer of 1190 and was married in 1911 to Berengaria. He was taken prisoner in 1191 and remained so until 1194. He was hit by a young, revenge seeking bowman, a shot that later led to infection and killing him. He died April 6, 1199.
He was called Lion Heart, and he fit the name. He was a tall, large man, wide broad shoulders. He had strong, muscular arms and legs that looked as though they could crush a man easily. His skin was pale. His eyes were light too, yet serious looking. His hair was shiny, a light red color. He had a serious face and he often looked angry. He looked powerful and it was obvious. We all felt compelled to do as he wished.
(Poem by Richard ~ 1179)
Ones heart pounded fiercely
And blood could be felt as it pulsed through ones veins.
The air was fresh and cool.
Charente Valley was in full bloom.
Its three surrounding cliffs were steep, but looked a welcoming challenge that I ached for.
The fortress of Taillebourg had been thought to be impregnable,
But we proved that wrong.
The battle was mid-way through.
We were close to breaking through completely.
And they knew it too.
Men came pouring out of the castle.
Stampeding towards us.
Weapons and armor shining.
Their eyes were wide.
I could smell it. They feared me.
And blood could be felt as it pulsed through ones veins.
The air was fresh and cool.
Charente Valley was in full bloom.
Its three surrounding cliffs were steep, but looked a welcoming challenge that I ached for.
The fortress of Taillebourg had been thought to be impregnable,
But we proved that wrong.
The battle was mid-way through.
We were close to breaking through completely.
And they knew it too.
Men came pouring out of the castle.
Stampeding towards us.
Weapons and armor shining.
Their eyes were wide.
I could smell it. They feared me.
Death of a Brother (Poem by Richard ~ June 1183)
It had been a brutal battle.
Aquitaine had been invaded quickly,
but we were strong.
The man was stabbed, despite his strong fighting.
I watched as he slid, falling down to the ground.
Blood seeped out of his armor.
Henry, the Young King was dead.
My brother was dead.
And now I stood as my fathers living, eldest son.
And now heir to the English crown.
Aquitaine had been invaded quickly,
but we were strong.
The man was stabbed, despite his strong fighting.
I watched as he slid, falling down to the ground.
Blood seeped out of his armor.
Henry, the Young King was dead.
My brother was dead.
And now I stood as my fathers living, eldest son.
And now heir to the English crown.
(Journal entry of Richard ~ July 1189)
My father is now dead. Many are saying I caused it. And that may be partially a truth. We fought a good battle. Anjou, my father’s center of power, was conquered easily. My father met us and agreed to all we said. He died two days later. He was ill, and very weak.
Now I am to be crowned soon. King of England.
Now I am to be crowned soon. King of England.
The man watched high at his usual place. Arrow drawn, ready as it was to always be. The large man came into view. He began to applaud when the arrow was turned towards him. The poor young bowman could feel the string slipping in his nervous hands.
An arrow pieced the cold sharp air and hit the expecting man in the shoulder.
But it was not his arrow.
Lion Heart attempted to pull out the arrow himself, but failed. It was removed, but poorly. He later, found and called upon the young man whose arrow had pierced him.
The mighty king watched as the thin, youthful boy gave his story. The boy said the King had killed his father and brothers and wanted revenge. The boy knew he was now to die.
But to his surprise, the king, out of mercy, chose not to execute him, and forgave the boy, saying, “Live on, and by my bounty behold the light of day.”
The boy was then sent away with one hundred shillings.
An arrow pieced the cold sharp air and hit the expecting man in the shoulder.
But it was not his arrow.
Lion Heart attempted to pull out the arrow himself, but failed. It was removed, but poorly. He later, found and called upon the young man whose arrow had pierced him.
The mighty king watched as the thin, youthful boy gave his story. The boy said the King had killed his father and brothers and wanted revenge. The boy knew he was now to die.
But to his surprise, the king, out of mercy, chose not to execute him, and forgave the boy, saying, “Live on, and by my bounty behold the light of day.”
The boy was then sent away with one hundred shillings.
Lion Heart
He was a great man.
He was widely known and widely feared.
He was strong,
courageous,
wise,
a great leader,
merciful,
and yet brutal.
He ruled and conquered much.
He was Lion Heart.
He was widely known and widely feared.
He was strong,
courageous,
wise,
a great leader,
merciful,
and yet brutal.
He ruled and conquered much.
He was Lion Heart.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Merry Nameless Tune
He use to whistle.
A lot.
Loudly.
But well.
He doesn't anymore.
Instead,
He's quiet.
I don't remember the last time
I heard his merry nameless tune.
I miss it.
A lot.
A lot.
Loudly.
But well.
He doesn't anymore.
Instead,
He's quiet.
I don't remember the last time
I heard his merry nameless tune.
I miss it.
A lot.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
It Stopped
My white fingers gripped the side of the bed. Thin and shaking. Frail and fragile. Each aching, raspy breath was slow and uneasy, coming in short gasps. My brain throbbed as I recounted the harsh and careless words burned in. I wanted to scream in pain, but my extreme lack of normal amounts of energy, and dry, itchy throat wouldn’t allow it. Every inch of me was drained of energy and ached. I could only barely feel my heart dully thump inside of me. It did so slowly, barely enough to get blood to all ends of me. But it was slowing. I could feel it. Its reach growing less, and less.
Until finally,
It stopped.
Until finally,
It stopped.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Dream
It was cold. Goose bumps covered my skin. I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to retain heat. I wandered through the thick trees, eyes scanning.
I couldn't see very far. It was dark and gloomy. The thick gray fog only added to it.
Finally, to my relief, i broke through the thick forest and stepped quietly onto a thin dirt road. Still, I couldn't see far. The road went straight, cutting through the trees, disappearing into the tick gray fog that hung close to the ground.
I wrapped my long cloak around me more tightly and sat down in the road. I felt over dressed in such a place in my long, elegant dress and cloak.
I sat waiting, swallowed in the eerie silence and cold.
He said he'd come. Come and save me.
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
But he never came.
I couldn't see very far. It was dark and gloomy. The thick gray fog only added to it.
Finally, to my relief, i broke through the thick forest and stepped quietly onto a thin dirt road. Still, I couldn't see far. The road went straight, cutting through the trees, disappearing into the tick gray fog that hung close to the ground.
I wrapped my long cloak around me more tightly and sat down in the road. I felt over dressed in such a place in my long, elegant dress and cloak.
I sat waiting, swallowed in the eerie silence and cold.
He said he'd come. Come and save me.
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
But he never came.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
-----
There are so many ways to describe it.
It's painful,
And extremely uncomfortable.
It feels like some ones pressing against my chest.
Like my ribs are holding too much weight and about to collapse.
Like I'm going deeper into water and my body can't handle the pressure.
Always wishing to be released.
It's painful,
And extremely uncomfortable.
It feels like some ones pressing against my chest.
Like my ribs are holding too much weight and about to collapse.
Like I'm going deeper into water and my body can't handle the pressure.
Always wishing to be released.
Pointless Wishing?
"Pull out a lash and blow it."
-The Middle Man
-The Middle Man
I carefully removed the misplaced eyelash from my eyeball and examined it, blinking to refocus. Can I still wish on it if it's been in my eye? Or the fact that it's been there shadow some sort of bad luck?
I took the risk and blew; the third of the day.
I took the risk and blew; the third of the day.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
My Masterpiece
I stood steady, waiting. My hands tightly gripping the round wood.
I took a deep breath and began.
I stepped back, twisting my hips,
flicking my wrists, fast and forcefully.
I could hear the wood slice through the cool air.
All my movements were fast, fierce, and flowed together seamlessly.
I could feel my power through the wood as I cut through the air,
my body twisting and turning.
It all fueled my energy.
After a final turn it came to a sudden stop,
And I ended with a bow.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Momma's Boy
She looked thin, pretty, and happy, as she always did. She held the plump little boy in her arms. He held his arms out to me and she passed him to me, a grin spreading across my face. Her face looked surprised, and her voice and words proved it, “He must really like you,” She said, “He’s usually a momma’s boy.”
I smiled down at him. He smiled back. I was thrilled.
We sat down in the lightly cushioned chairs. I tickled him and he giggled and wiggled. Eventually she took her young son back. She held him up, their faces level, talking to him. He reached out and gripped her bottom lip, pulling it. “Ow!” She wined, leaning back, glaring at him.
He laughed.
I smiled down at him. He smiled back. I was thrilled.
We sat down in the lightly cushioned chairs. I tickled him and he giggled and wiggled. Eventually she took her young son back. She held him up, their faces level, talking to him. He reached out and gripped her bottom lip, pulling it. “Ow!” She wined, leaning back, glaring at him.
He laughed.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Crooked Smile
I smiled as i held the tiny individual.
He was so light and small.
He kept his eyes closed until i moved.
He opened them and looked grumpy.
Then, slowly, eventually, he gave me a crooked smile.
I grinned.
I wasn't done holding him.
I wanted to steal him and make him mine.
He was so light and small.
He kept his eyes closed until i moved.
He opened them and looked grumpy.
Then, slowly, eventually, he gave me a crooked smile.
I grinned.
I wasn't done holding him.
I wanted to steal him and make him mine.
Stab Caesar
All throughout history there has always been some one in charge. Some one who is thought to be better than all the rest. Some one who people, some times, honors, respects, and looks up to. The person is usually extremely confident and self righteous. And as a result they are often despised by a good number of people. But this person, in my opinion, is not necessary for a stable society. At all. People just need to pull their own heads out.
I think that the human brain has great potential, people just need to be willing to open it up and use it to their advantage. Are we really so uneducated and dependant that we need some one to be in charge of us even when we're old elders? I don't think we are.
Really, the only reason someone is in charge is because they see flaws in every one else that they think they can, and need to fix. And also that humans are always reaching forward with the top goal of prestige. And that's a harder thing to change. People only need another thing to be focused on. People should realise their full potential. And when every one does, they will realise how unnecessary it is to be trapped under one persons power.
But I doubt it's something that will ever change. Sadly.
I think that the human brain has great potential, people just need to be willing to open it up and use it to their advantage. Are we really so uneducated and dependant that we need some one to be in charge of us even when we're old elders? I don't think we are.
Really, the only reason someone is in charge is because they see flaws in every one else that they think they can, and need to fix. And also that humans are always reaching forward with the top goal of prestige. And that's a harder thing to change. People only need another thing to be focused on. People should realise their full potential. And when every one does, they will realise how unnecessary it is to be trapped under one persons power.
But I doubt it's something that will ever change. Sadly.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Reality
Love, most would say, is a very common and often happening thing i the world today. And so, broken heart are also, sadly.
Love for most, is usually a great experience that they usually enjoy. Love i the over whelming feelings and thoughts of only ever thinking about one person. A person who you feel is the most wonderful, amazing person ever. Some one who you only want to make happy. The only person you want to ever spend time with. Some one who you think is the center of the world. Some one you feel like you could never life without.
And then you find your poor heart being horribly stabbed, often multiple times. You'd already given it away completely, so you've lost all chane of protecting it as you helplessly watch it being stabbed and squeezed to death, then be dropped and stomped on the ground, never to be touched again. Forever scarred and deformed with little hope of repair.
You scoop it back up, and despite your efforts it won't feel any better and every pulsing heart beat is an extremely painful reminder of everything you once had.
Some say it's possible to die from a broken heart. People give up on life, unable to move on from their long lost love. Slowly, the extreme depression combined with stress, loneliness, along with the unwillingness and uncare to live results in a down ward spiral of good health. Possibly leading to death.
Some don't believe one can die from a broken heart, but I do. A broken heart is a terribly consuming thing and it eats you both mentally and physically.
Death from a broken heart is a painful reality.
Love for most, is usually a great experience that they usually enjoy. Love i the over whelming feelings and thoughts of only ever thinking about one person. A person who you feel is the most wonderful, amazing person ever. Some one who you only want to make happy. The only person you want to ever spend time with. Some one who you think is the center of the world. Some one you feel like you could never life without.
And then you find your poor heart being horribly stabbed, often multiple times. You'd already given it away completely, so you've lost all chane of protecting it as you helplessly watch it being stabbed and squeezed to death, then be dropped and stomped on the ground, never to be touched again. Forever scarred and deformed with little hope of repair.
You scoop it back up, and despite your efforts it won't feel any better and every pulsing heart beat is an extremely painful reminder of everything you once had.
Some say it's possible to die from a broken heart. People give up on life, unable to move on from their long lost love. Slowly, the extreme depression combined with stress, loneliness, along with the unwillingness and uncare to live results in a down ward spiral of good health. Possibly leading to death.
Some don't believe one can die from a broken heart, but I do. A broken heart is a terribly consuming thing and it eats you both mentally and physically.
Death from a broken heart is a painful reality.
The Limit Does Not Exist.
He looked tired and worn out. And despite it being his own decision, she felt it was her
fault. And how he looked took a toll on her already low self esteem. She felt a million times
worse. She was alone, unloved, uncared for, useless and depressed. Not to mention hurt and
guilty, all at the same time.
“You haven’t been eating, have you?”
She looked up and met his eyes. Now he looked frustrated and bothered. The truth was she
hadn’t been. She wasn’t hungry. And never was. And as a result, she was pale, shaky, and
growing steadily unhealthy. And she was losing weight, fast.
She nodded.
He sighed, and took her hand.
“Things are complicated. But only for now.”
She looked up, her eyebrows pressing together.
“No, you make it complicated. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
He sighed.
“You say I choose to be depressed. And if that’s true than you choose to let things be
complicated too.”
He let go of her hand. She could tell he was getting even more frustrated.
“I’m so sick of this.” He whispered, “ Just choose to be happy. I have.”
The words hurt.
She shook her head, “I’ll be happy when you stop complicating things.”
Even his cool blue eyes looked angry.
“You make it complicated. You don’t have to. Take down the walls of complication you’ve
put up in your mind. The limit does not exist.”
fault. And how he looked took a toll on her already low self esteem. She felt a million times
worse. She was alone, unloved, uncared for, useless and depressed. Not to mention hurt and
guilty, all at the same time.
“You haven’t been eating, have you?”
She looked up and met his eyes. Now he looked frustrated and bothered. The truth was she
hadn’t been. She wasn’t hungry. And never was. And as a result, she was pale, shaky, and
growing steadily unhealthy. And she was losing weight, fast.
She nodded.
He sighed, and took her hand.
“Things are complicated. But only for now.”
She looked up, her eyebrows pressing together.
“No, you make it complicated. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
He sighed.
“You say I choose to be depressed. And if that’s true than you choose to let things be
complicated too.”
He let go of her hand. She could tell he was getting even more frustrated.
“I’m so sick of this.” He whispered, “ Just choose to be happy. I have.”
The words hurt.
She shook her head, “I’ll be happy when you stop complicating things.”
Even his cool blue eyes looked angry.
“You make it complicated. You don’t have to. Take down the walls of complication you’ve
put up in your mind. The limit does not exist.”
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I Love...
I love the weight
I love the odd feeling of only using one eye
I love snapping
I love clicking
I love viewing it all up close
I love viewing it all artisticly
I love the selective blurring
I love the not knowing
I love the automatic aping
I love subjects
I love the natural
I love the candid
I love the odd
I love the posed
I love the editing
I love the outcome
I love flickr
I love photography.
I love the odd feeling of only using one eye
I love snapping
I love clicking
I love viewing it all up close
I love viewing it all artisticly
I love the selective blurring
I love the not knowing
I love the automatic aping
I love subjects
I love the natural
I love the candid
I love the odd
I love the posed
I love the editing
I love the outcome
I love flickr
I love photography.
The Dark-Haired Man
This gorgeous yet awesomely gruff guy walks in. Long, shiny, dark hair. Inviting for my fingers to run through. The gruffness, brought on by a full-face, prickly beard. Not thick, but enough to be noticed. Friendly smile, bold features, awesome blue eyes make him categorized as gorgeous. Topped off with a sharp black suit, a thick silver wrist watch. And one last thing; a small, silver band, left hand, wedding finger. Which gives me hope.
Slide
There it was. The one little red rock. Not too far, but not close enough to easily reach. I felt like a young, tiny child, seeing the tempting cookie jar that was just out of my reach. I would have to jump for it.
First jump.
A miss.
Hand stretched out, wide spread fingers slapping the cool, rock wall and sliding back down with the rest of me.
Second jump.
Again a miss.
Arms and legs shaking now. Growing quickly tired and drained of energy. But I would not let this defeat me.
One last leap...
And victory!
Now, the rest of the wall to climb…
First jump.
A miss.
Hand stretched out, wide spread fingers slapping the cool, rock wall and sliding back down with the rest of me.
Second jump.
Again a miss.
Arms and legs shaking now. Growing quickly tired and drained of energy. But I would not let this defeat me.
One last leap...
And victory!
Now, the rest of the wall to climb…
Saturday, March 22, 2008
First Post
Adria
This is were I plan to share most of my writings, and some pictures I take. For my first entry this is a rather dull one, I know that, more will be added soon, more interesting things. I'm still familiarizing my self with the layout and how everything works...
I am sixteen years old. I am a junior in High School. I enjoy writting and photography. I'm currently trying to get the position of school photographer at my school. I really hope I get it! I also ejoy rock climbing and bike riding and the usual of spending time with friends.
I write a lot. It's more journaling though. Thoughts turn into poems and random ramblings. I've been writting almost everyday for over a year. I have almost four journals that are completely filled up, but I doubt you'll see much of what's in there.
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