The face i held was familiar,
as was his voice.
But his words and tone were new,
and uncharacteristic.
He use to be mine.
But this was not mine.
He was something different.
More so than I think even he realises.
His false feelings and sincerity
only more clearly define
the painful changes of which he refuses.
Denial as he lives.
That being same.
But some is still there.
Just as intense and honest.
But he's not there
Any more.

I Love You

"It seemed that all would be bearable if, once only, I could have gone to him and whispered in his ear, I love you."
Till We Have Faces
C.S. Lewis

Choose not to,
that's fine,
that's your choice.
Rather not,
that's your choice.
As you wish.
Say as I feel,
Not for attention,
or to force opinion.
I'll say it anyways.
And I will again.
I don't know what you do,
I don't know how you are,
I know that I love you.
And,
No matter how many times,
Weather it's the first
The first thousand,
It's still true
and sincere,
and forever will be.
It's true
And don't forget it.
I'd rather say how I feel
Than not
And regret it
Forever.
"The bitterest tears
Are over things unsaid."
Always I'll tell,
I love you.
I do.
And it's true.
And always will.

Far From It

He hugged me, and I inhaled the sweet smell of his soft skin off his strong neck.
He smiled. I tried to smile back but it probably looked far from it. His face now held concern, and so did his words as I tried to shrug off how I felt.
I was desperate for something and aiming toward what i thought would work, but when I had it, it didn't feel right, and I wanted to push it away.
I missed his hugs.
And I missed his sweet smell.
But I didn't miss him.

Personalized

Strips of paper,
fancy stamps,
dark ink,
and glue,
combined together
to make something new.
Something once old,
and repeated,
now personalized,
and just my own.

Awesomeness

It smelled like a musty old storage space where too many people had left too many things that had been forgotten about and were now accumulating dust and becoming home to numerous spiders.
Ancient chairs were thrown into huge piles, mangled together. Huge chest were stacked one on top of the other. All of it mixing together in a cluttered mess that had been made into a nearly daunting maze.
As I wandered through the thin isles, I did so cautiously, trying to distance myself from the dusty furniture. I could imagine dusty old hands reaching out from the mangled cupboards, gripping my arms as I tried to pass.
It was creepy in all it's awesomeness.

Comfortable

She looked good, happy, and cute in her thin, silky, black and white polka-dot dress. She smiled and held her arms out. We hugged. Her hair was short and curly. A young man sat next to her, he was quite a contrast next to her tan skin and dark hair.
He smiled, but was quiet.
As she talked I noticed the simple silver ring on her hand that included a little glinting diamond.
They fit well together and she looked comfortable as she held his leg and leaned forward to talk to me.
I marveled over how fast things had changed.
I've always envied her.

5/18/07

"Though season change, and time goes on,
My love for you, is eternally long.
Yes, trials and change can wear on us,
But never forget that in me you can trust.
I'll hold you close, and dry your
Tears till the end,
I love you Adria, my dearest
friend."