Just a shadow on the wall.
Always there, but no one cares,
and no one notices.
It wouldn't matter if the shadow was gone.
It wouldn't effect any one.
It wouldn't effect anything.
It doesn't make anything better,
or anything worse.
It's pointless.
It's good for nothing.
It is nothing.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Teeth
Someone once said ones strength is in ones teeth.
And that could very easily be true.
As you grow from being a tiny baby, teeth slowly grown in as you grow.
And then slowly but surely you become old, and your teeth fall out.
And eventually you die.
Hm...
15 Years
I'm being replaced by a dog.
She's even stolen my name. My name.
I'd say I don't care, but it's far from the case.
I do. A lot.
She's not even cute. Far from it.
Ooh she's rare and she'll live fifteen years.
That's good. That's great.
See if I even remember her fifteen years from now;
When I'm thirty, happily married,
To a gorgeous successful man,
With adorable kids, a beautiful house,
And a thriving business.
You and your little dog will be the last thing on my mind.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
He Was A Lobster for Halloween
I’ve never had a problem with death. At least, not the idea of it. It’s how one died that makes it hard.
The box of tissues near the entrance was quickly being emptied. Each persons hugs were long, tight, and meaningful. Dave said she’d be happy to see me. And although I’m sure Chris didn’t know my name, he held out his arms and embraced me in a tight hug. It felt more like he was comforting me than I him…
Posters of pictures lined the side of the room. He had big blue eyes, and a wide, adorable, toothless grin.
Now he looked painted, like a little porcelain doll with perfect skin. He was a big boy. Dressed in perfect white. I wanted to believe he was asleep but the way he was laying and the way his arms were placed looked too stiff. A small Buzz Lightyear cell phone was tucked in next to his leg. I remember holding him. I remember making him smile. I remember making him giggle.
She looked completely dazed. Eyes wide, staring off into space, completely glazed over. And she looked so thin, so pale. I watched as she hugged the few people in front of me. There was a break in the line. She began to shake. I thought she was going to fall over, then she stumbled for a seat.
She was so beautiful. She was so detached. Her baby was gone. And my heart ached for her.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Boo
"Please." I begged.
"No" She said, her little voice getting louder.
I held my face in my hands and made sobbing noises. I had their attention. They were very quiet.
I popped my head up and exclaimed, "Boo!"
The littlest one jumped. He looked horrified. The other children laughed, and I joined them. The little one watched the others, unsure of what to do.
Then he laughed nervously.
He turned quickly when I called his name. I bent my knees so I was closer to his height and held out my arms. He ran, full speed, with a grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around my neck, shockingly tight, as I wrapped my arms around his tiny torso, lifting him off the ground. We squoze each other.
"We'll play soon." I whispered in his ear.
"Okay." He said, in his little, helium voice.
I kissed his cheek and let him go reluctantly.
25 Random
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).
1 - I kindof really like things like this.
2 - The only two drinks I really like are water and I'm picky about my water.And chocolate milk sometimes. I do drink hot chocolate, but not very often. I don’t like juices and the carbonation in soda hurts my face.
3 – I love my TV shows. I love a lot of them. My top faves being Scrubs (I am so gloriously happy it’s back) Pushing Daisies (I’m crushed they’re killing it) The Office, 30 Rock, My Name is Earl, Heroes (which at times can be a bit too gory for me) and Chuck.Tivo Rocks.
4 – I love odd-ball artists (singers) like Bright Eyes (listen to First Day of my life) Robert Pattinson, Cary Brothers, Aqualung, and Alexia Murdoch. I love that kind of music despite the sometimes off-tune, mumbling singing styles.
5 – I’m proud of my blogs and my growing technical abilities.
6 – At the start of this school year, I made the goal to make my senior year my best (academic) year. And I’m really proud of myself because I feel like, so far, I’ve done that. My grades have been good, and I’ve enjoyed all of my classes and teachers and been able to learn a lot.
7 – I can’t wait to graduate. I love my teachers, but I don’t feel like I have any close friends in High School. All of my really close friends and three or more years older than I am…. And I’m really done with the immature drama.
8 – My only fear about graduating is having to graduate seminary. I love seminary. I love all of my teachers and all of the great lessons I’ve learned there. And yes, I look forward to institute, but…. For some reason, in my head I view it as just a breading ground for hopeful singles. And I’m all for that. Many of you know how badly I want to get married. But if a breading ground is all it is, then I worry it will loose the spiritual factor of seminary…..
9 – I really want to get married.
10 – I really want a baby. I’ve been called not just baby hungry, but baby starved. I love babies. I love kids. (Happy to baby-sit = )
11- I love writing (actual hand writing) letters. I think computers are ruining that. Soon, in the future journals and notes will all be on computers. That will be so lame for our future generations to read. Yes, our stories may be great, but hand written things, to me are just so much more heartfelt and real….
12 – I am a dedicated (ok, I have been slacking a bit lately) journaler. I have notebooks full and I am still filling more.
13 – I would love to one day to have my own sandwich shop/ bakery.
14 – I kind of wish Megan hadn’t cut her hair.
15 – When I was very little, my dad took me to the Mount Timpanogos temple open house. Ever since then, that has been the temple I have loved and will get married in. On Wednesday, for young womens, we went to the Draper temple open house. I was nervous I would be torn between the two temples. I didn’t want to have to have that sort of inner battle. And it was a very spiritual experience and a very beautiful temple, but thankfully, I’m not at all torn.
16 – I wonder if any one will actually read this…..
17 – I love avocados.
18 – I enjoy cooking and I look forward to doing it in my own home, but I have no doubt that on some days I’ll get sick of it.
19 – Megan and I have been considering teaching Kenpo Karate out of our house. We’re both black belts.
20 – I was I think 15 when I got my black belt. We did a physical test and then a private test, and then an open one where we just show off all of our best stuff. I had a lot of spectators. Brook and Jon came (Brook was my babysitter when we lived in PG – like extended family) a guy I knew named Steve came, I think he’s like two years older then me. And my BF Kyla came. She brought a huge poster that she had made that said Go Adria. It was awesome. My best form (a long series of movements put together, almost like a dance where you take you people out) was a double nun chuck form. I had two nun chucks, one in each hand spinning. My instructor called it my masterpiece and said I was the best at it out of any of the pervious kids to receive a black belt. If I find the video of me doing it, I’ll post it.
21 – I love love love ice cream. It’s really my only big “weakness”.
22 – Lately, I haven’t been able to eat fast foody things. It makes me really sick. But I guess that’s good.
23 – I really really miss my grandpa. I knew I would miss him a lot even before he moved in with us. One day, while looking through my creative writing notebook, where I have poems and crots (a random writing – like a random chapter from a larger story) and story outlines, I found a crot I had wrote on 10/29/08 talking about how much I would miss Grandpa when he passed…..
24 – This is way too long. I’m sorry.
25 – I apologize a lot. I have a lot of things I feel I am sorry for.
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).
1 - I kindof really like things like this.
2 - The only two drinks I really like are water and I'm picky about my water.And chocolate milk sometimes. I do drink hot chocolate, but not very often. I don’t like juices and the carbonation in soda hurts my face.
3 – I love my TV shows. I love a lot of them. My top faves being Scrubs (I am so gloriously happy it’s back) Pushing Daisies (I’m crushed they’re killing it) The Office, 30 Rock, My Name is Earl, Heroes (which at times can be a bit too gory for me) and Chuck.Tivo Rocks.
4 – I love odd-ball artists (singers) like Bright Eyes (listen to First Day of my life) Robert Pattinson, Cary Brothers, Aqualung, and Alexia Murdoch. I love that kind of music despite the sometimes off-tune, mumbling singing styles.
5 – I’m proud of my blogs and my growing technical abilities.
6 – At the start of this school year, I made the goal to make my senior year my best (academic) year. And I’m really proud of myself because I feel like, so far, I’ve done that. My grades have been good, and I’ve enjoyed all of my classes and teachers and been able to learn a lot.
7 – I can’t wait to graduate. I love my teachers, but I don’t feel like I have any close friends in High School. All of my really close friends and three or more years older than I am…. And I’m really done with the immature drama.
8 – My only fear about graduating is having to graduate seminary. I love seminary. I love all of my teachers and all of the great lessons I’ve learned there. And yes, I look forward to institute, but…. For some reason, in my head I view it as just a breading ground for hopeful singles. And I’m all for that. Many of you know how badly I want to get married. But if a breading ground is all it is, then I worry it will loose the spiritual factor of seminary…..
9 – I really want to get married.
10 – I really want a baby. I’ve been called not just baby hungry, but baby starved. I love babies. I love kids. (Happy to baby-sit = )
11- I love writing (actual hand writing) letters. I think computers are ruining that. Soon, in the future journals and notes will all be on computers. That will be so lame for our future generations to read. Yes, our stories may be great, but hand written things, to me are just so much more heartfelt and real….
12 – I am a dedicated (ok, I have been slacking a bit lately) journaler. I have notebooks full and I am still filling more.
13 – I would love to one day to have my own sandwich shop/ bakery.
14 – I kind of wish Megan hadn’t cut her hair.
15 – When I was very little, my dad took me to the Mount Timpanogos temple open house. Ever since then, that has been the temple I have loved and will get married in. On Wednesday, for young womens, we went to the Draper temple open house. I was nervous I would be torn between the two temples. I didn’t want to have to have that sort of inner battle. And it was a very spiritual experience and a very beautiful temple, but thankfully, I’m not at all torn.
16 – I wonder if any one will actually read this…..
17 – I love avocados.
18 – I enjoy cooking and I look forward to doing it in my own home, but I have no doubt that on some days I’ll get sick of it.
19 – Megan and I have been considering teaching Kenpo Karate out of our house. We’re both black belts.
20 – I was I think 15 when I got my black belt. We did a physical test and then a private test, and then an open one where we just show off all of our best stuff. I had a lot of spectators. Brook and Jon came (Brook was my babysitter when we lived in PG – like extended family) a guy I knew named Steve came, I think he’s like two years older then me. And my BF Kyla came. She brought a huge poster that she had made that said Go Adria. It was awesome. My best form (a long series of movements put together, almost like a dance where you take you people out) was a double nun chuck form. I had two nun chucks, one in each hand spinning. My instructor called it my masterpiece and said I was the best at it out of any of the pervious kids to receive a black belt. If I find the video of me doing it, I’ll post it.
21 – I love love love ice cream. It’s really my only big “weakness”.
22 – Lately, I haven’t been able to eat fast foody things. It makes me really sick. But I guess that’s good.
23 – I really really miss my grandpa. I knew I would miss him a lot even before he moved in with us. One day, while looking through my creative writing notebook, where I have poems and crots (a random writing – like a random chapter from a larger story) and story outlines, I found a crot I had wrote on 10/29/08 talking about how much I would miss Grandpa when he passed…..
24 – This is way too long. I’m sorry.
25 – I apologize a lot. I have a lot of things I feel I am sorry for.
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