Musings

Just A Shadow

2009-10-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Just a shadow on the wall.

Always there, but no one cares,
and no one notices.

It wouldn't matter if the shadow was gone.

It wouldn't effect any one.

It wouldn't effect anything.

It doesn't make anything better,
or anything worse.

It's pointless.

It's good for nothing.

It is nothing.

Teeth

2009-07-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

Someone once said ones strength is in ones teeth.

And that could very easily be true.

As you grow from being a tiny baby, teeth slowly grown in as you grow.

And then slowly but surely you become old, and your teeth fall out.

And eventually you die.

Hm...

15 Years

2009-07-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

I'm being replaced by a dog.

She's even stolen my name. My name.

I'd say I don't care, but it's far from the case.

I do. A lot.

She's not even cute. Far from it.

Ooh she's rare and she'll live fifteen years.

That's good. That's great.

See if I even remember her fifteen years from now;

When I'm thirty, happily married,

To a gorgeous successful man,

With adorable kids, a beautiful house,

And a thriving business.

You and your little dog will be the last thing on my mind.

He Was A Lobster for Halloween

2009-02-11T15:40:00.000-08:00

I’ve never had a problem with death. At least, not the idea of it. It’s how one died that makes it hard.

The box of tissues near the entrance was quickly being emptied. Each persons hugs were long, tight, and meaningful. Dave said she’d be happy to see me. And although I’m sure Chris didn’t know my name, he held out his arms and embraced me in a tight hug. It felt more like he was comforting me than I him…

Posters of pictures lined the side of the room. He had big blue eyes, and a wide, adorable, toothless grin.

Now he looked painted, like a little porcelain doll with perfect skin. He was a big boy. Dressed in perfect white. I wanted to believe he was asleep but the way he was laying and the way his arms were placed looked too stiff. A small Buzz Lightyear cell phone was tucked in next to his leg. I remember holding him. I remember making him smile. I remember making him giggle.

She looked completely dazed. Eyes wide, staring off into space, completely glazed over. And she looked so thin, so pale. I watched as she hugged the few people in front of me. There was a break in the line. She began to shake. I thought she was going to fall over, then she stumbled for a seat.

She was so beautiful. She was so detached. Her baby was gone. And my heart ached for her.

Boo

2009-02-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

"Please." I begged.

"No" She said, her little voice getting louder.

I held my face in my hands and made sobbing noises. I had their attention. They were very quiet.

I popped my head up and exclaimed, "Boo!"

The littlest one jumped. He looked horrified. The other children laughed, and I joined them. The little one watched the others, unsure of what to do.

Then he laughed nervously.

2009-02-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

He turned quickly when I called his name. I bent my knees so I was closer to his height and held out my arms. He ran, full speed, with a grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around my neck, shockingly tight, as I wrapped my arms around his tiny torso, lifting him off the ground. We squoze each other.

"We'll play soon." I whispered in his ear.

"Okay." He said, in his little, helium voice.

I kissed his cheek and let him go reluctantly.

25 Random

2009-02-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).

1 - I kindof really like things like this.

2 - The only two drinks I really like are water and I'm picky about my water.And chocolate milk sometimes. I do drink hot chocolate, but not very often. I don’t like juices and the carbonation in soda hurts my face.

3 – I love my TV shows. I love a lot of them. My top faves being Scrubs (I am so gloriously happy it’s back) Pushing Daisies (I’m crushed they’re killing it) The Office, 30 Rock, My Name is Earl, Heroes (which at times can be a bit too gory for me) and Chuck.Tivo Rocks.

4 – I love odd-ball artists (singers) like Bright Eyes (listen to First Day of my life) Robert Pattinson, Cary Brothers, Aqualung, and Alexia Murdoch. I love that kind of music despite the sometimes off-tune, mumbling singing styles.

5 – I’m proud of my blogs and my growing technical abilities.

6 – At the start of this school year, I made the goal to make my senior year my best (academic) year. And I’m really proud of myself because I feel like, so far, I’ve done that. My grades have been good, and I’ve enjoyed all of my classes and teachers and been able to learn a lot.

7 – I can’t wait to graduate. I love my teachers, but I don’t feel like I have any close friends in High School. All of my really close friends and three or more years older than I am…. And I’m really done with the immature drama.

8 – My only fear about graduating is having to graduate seminary. I love seminary. I love all of my teachers and all of the great lessons I’ve learned there. And yes, I look forward to institute, but…. For some reason, in my head I view it as just a breading ground for hopeful singles. And I’m all for that. Many of you know how badly I want to get married. But if a breading ground is all it is, then I worry it will loose the spiritual factor of seminary…..

9 – I really want to get married.

10 – I really want a baby. I’ve been called not just baby hungry, but baby starved. I love babies. I love kids. (Happy to baby-sit = )

11- I love writing (actual hand writing) letters. I think computers are ruining that. Soon, in the future journals and notes will all be on computers. That will be so lame for our future generations to read. Yes, our stories may be great, but hand written things, to me are just so much more heartfelt and real….

12 – I am a dedicated (ok, I have been slacking a bit lately) journaler. I have notebooks full and I am still filling more.

13 – I would love to one day to have my own sandwich shop/ bakery.

14 – I kind of wish Megan hadn’t cut her hair.

15 – When I was very little, my dad took me to the Mount Timpanogos temple open house. Ever since then, that has been the temple I have loved and will get married in. On Wednesday, for young womens, we went to the Draper temple open house. I was nervous I would be torn between the two temples. I didn’t want to have to have that sort of inner battle. And it was a very spiritual experience and a very beautiful temple, but thankfully, I’m not at all torn.

16 – I wonder if any one will actually read this…..

17 – I love avocados.

18 – I enjoy cooking and I look forward to doing it in my own home, but I have no doubt that on some days I’ll get sick of it.

19 – Megan and I have been considering teaching Kenpo Karate out of our house. We’re both black belts.

20 – I was I think 15 when I got my black belt. We did a physical test and then a private test, and then an open one where we just show off all of our best stuff. I had a lot of spectators. Brook and Jon came (Brook was my babysitter when we lived in PG – like extended family) a guy I knew named Steve came, I think he’s like two years older then me. And my BF Kyla came. She brought a huge poster that she had made that said Go Adria. It was awesome. My best form (a long series of movements put together, almost like a dance where you take you people out) was a double nun chuck form. I had two nun chucks, one in each hand spinning. My instructor called it my masterpiece and said I was the best at it out of any of the pervious kids to receive a black belt. If I find the video of me doing it, I’ll post it.

21 – I love love love ice cream. It’s really my only big “weakness”.

22 – Lately, I haven’t been able to eat fast foody things. It makes me really sick. But I guess that’s good.

23 – I really really miss my grandpa. I knew I would miss him a lot even before he moved in with us. One day, while looking through my creative writing notebook, where I have poems and crots (a random writing – like a random chapter from a larger story) and story outlines, I found a crot I had wrote on 10/29/08 talking about how much I would miss Grandpa when he passed…..

24 – This is way too long. I’m sorry.

25 – I apologize a lot. I have a lot of things I feel I am sorry for.

George and Polly

2009-01-05T20:33:00.001-08:00

So, for my creative writing class, yes, I'm taking it again this year, I had to write a fictional short story basically on anything of my choice. Because Grandma died, things have been hectic, and the short story kinda slipped my mind. It was due after Christmas break. So, I whipped something up really quick for a rough draft of the beginning so I had something for that assignment to turn in. What I wrote was the story of how my Grandma and Grandpa Schmidt met.

On New Years Eve I wrote the rest of the story. It came out to be about ten pages. I don't think it's too bad, so here I'm posting it here for you to read.

2009-01-05T20:29:00.002-08:00

Polly stuffed clothes into a dusty brown trunk and once it was full, snapped it close. She scooped Nibs, her Persian cat, from off her bed and carried him and her heavy trunk down the stairs. Her mother, Sallie, stood waiting for her and when they met they hugged.
“Be safe please.” She said.
Polly rolled her eyes, nodding, “I will, don’t worry.”
A car horn sounded outside. Polly lifted her trunk, handed Nibs to her mother and headed out to the car waiting for her outside. Betty Kelly, one of Polly’s best friends, slid out of the car.
“I’m so excited! Are you?” Betty asked.
Polly nodded, “I can’t wait.”
They were soon to be on their way to the Towag summer camp for youth. Betty was going and wanting to bring a friend for the trip so her parents had paid for Polly.
“This camp is so much fun!” Betty said mid-way through their drive to the camp. Polly sighed and nodded.
“I know. You’ve said that.”
Betty was a good friend to Polly, but she wasn’t her favorite friend. Polly wasn’t known for being a patient person and she could only handle so much of Betty. But she was looking forward to the camp none the less.
“This is the third year I’ve gone. I’ve loved it both years. I have no doubt this will be any different.” Betty added.
Polly nodded in response.
“There are a lot of cute boys there.” Betty continued. She leaned in close to Polly and whispered, “Last year I had a little fun with a really cute boy.” Betty giggled quietly as she sat up straight again. “You’ll love it!”
Polly shrugged. She was excited, but obviously not as excited as Betty.

After the long drive the girls finally arrived at the camp they both (mainly Betty) were so excited to be at. They checked in and found their assigned cabin where they set out their belongings. By the time they had settled in and explored their new surroundings it was lunch time. They headed to the cafeteria along with a number of other young adults.
As they walked Betty gripped Polly’s arm and whispered, “Oh Polly! Look at all these cute boys!” Polly nodded, eyeing the young men passing them. Betty added, “This will be a fun week!” Polly laughed quietly.
The food that was served was dull and unexciting. Polly missed her own delicious, home-made meals and half wished she could take over the kitchen.
They ate their bland meal quickly and escaped into the refreshing sunlight. They made their way down to the large sparkly lake at the south end of the camp.
“Let’s swim!” Betty said,
But Polly refused, “No. No way.”
Betty sighed, “Oh come on. It will be fun!” Polly shook her head, looking serious. Betty pouted, “Fine. Can we boat?” Polly shook her head.
“Would you boat with me?” A deep voice asked behind them. They both turned and, now in front of them, stood a tall, handsome young man. He had dark brown hair and wore a simple white t-shirt and jeans. He smiled warmly down at Polly. Polly looked serious and confused back at him.
“She’d love to!” Betty said, again gripping Polly’s arm. Polly glared at her then turned to the young man,
“No thank you.” She said and walked past him, away from the lake. She could hear Betty groan behind her. Betty stomped her feet on the ground as she fallowed Polly.
“What was that about? Why didn’t you say yes? He was cute.” Betty said, sounding angry. Polly shrugged,
“I don’t like water, you know that.” Betty rolled her eyes.
“So? You can’t live through a little boat ride so you can be alone with a cute boy? Obviously he likes you.”
Polly rolled her eyes this time, “I doubt that.”
Betty sighed.
Since Polly refused to return to the lake, or be anywhere near it, they found other activities to do. They made jewelry in the mess hall for an hour. Polly enjoyed that, she enjoyed crafts. Then they joined a group of girls in a basketball game. Polly liked basketball too. She had been on a team when she was in high school. It was something she missed.
“This is the last year we’ll be able to go to this camp.” Betty said as they walked to the cafeteria for dinner. “Nineteen is the age limit here. It’s understandable I suppose, but it does make me sad. This is like our last summer to be… Kids.” Polly nodded. She understood how Betty felt, but she herself felt ready to grow up. She was looking forward to the future.
“What are your plans now?” Polly asked.
“Plans? Like when the summers done?” Betty asked, seeming confused. Polly nodded, wondering if Betty was a good person to talk about “growing-up” plans with.
“Well, I don’t really know. I guess I could go to school. But honestly… I’d much rather just be married.” Polly laughed quietly.
“Yeah that would be nice. But don’t you want to learn more? Do you really want to have children so soon?”
“Well, I don’t really know. I haven’t thought about it much. I’m only nineteen. But wouldn’t it be so nice to find some charming, handsome, decently well off young man to put a pretty little ring on your finger and call you his wife?”
Polly nodded, “Yeah. It would be nice.”
“Well what are your plans?” Betty asked. Polly smiled,
“I am going to be a nurse. I’ve joined the United States Cadet Nurse Corps. Starting when the summer ends, they will train me and give me employment and my education will be of no cost to me.”
Betty looked shocked, “A nurse? For the war? Won’t that be gross?”
Polly shrugged, “Maybe, but I want to help. I can’t enlist. I wouldn’t really want to anyways, but this seems good.”

2009-01-05T20:29:00.001-08:00

“I guess it is good. I have a lot of girlfriends who are doing it too. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it though. All that blood…. Those poor soldiers….” Betty shook her head.

When they got to the mess hall they joined a line of students.
“Why is there this line? Let’s sneak to the front.” Betty said, holding Polly’s hand and tugging her along. When they reached the front of the line they were greeted by a smiling face and a cheerful hello. Polly was shocked; before them stood the young man from the lake. Polly pulled her hand out of Betty’s grip and stepped back.
“Oh, hello again!” Betty said cheerfully, giving Polly a quick grin. “Why is there a line? Isn’t it time for dinner?”
The young man nodded, “It is. Or at least, it is as far as I know, but for some reason they haven’t unlocked the door.”
Betty sighed, “Oh, but I’m so hungry. And so is Polly.” She said, elbowing her friend who glared back at her.
“Well in that case, someone better fix that.” He said, smiling down out Polly who continued to look shocked. The young man pulled a thin black hair comb from his back pocket turned toward the door and slid it in the crack between the two large doors. He pulled the comb up through the space and the girls heard the quiet click of the lock. He opened the door and held it open for the girls, smiling. Betty gasped and clapped her hands.
“Oh,” Polly said, “So that’s how you break into places.” The young man smiled and chuckled quietly and directed her inside with a wave of his hand.

The dinner was yet another bland meal. It consisted of dry ham, slightly burnt macaroni, and over done peas and string beans. Polly dismally pushed her meal around with a fork.
“He definitely likes you Polly. He hardly took his eyes off of you. He is cute.” Betty said. She had been chatty the entire meal, more so then normal, and was practically bouncing in her seat.
“I don’t know. Maybe he likes you.” Polly said, seeming uninterested in their conversation.
“That would be nice, but it’s you he likes.” Betty said. Polly shrugged. Betty giggled, “I’m sure of it.” she said, nudging Polly. Polly turned to see the young man walking toward them. She sighed quietly. He came and stood behind them.
“Hello, how is your meal? You haven’t eaten much.” He said to Polly.
Polly nodded, “I don’t really like the food here.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want me to get you something else?” He asked.
Polly looked confused, “What else is there to eat?”
“Well, we’re really only supposed to go during free time, but there are lots of places to get food less then a mile away.” He said smiling. Betty smiled at Polly. “I’ll take you if you’d like.” Polly shrugged. Betty nodded to Polly.
Betty turned to the young man, “You haven’t said yet. What is your name?”
“I’m so sorry. My name is George.” He said, holding out his hand. Betty shook it.
“I’m Betty. And this is Polly.” She said.
“Hi Polly.” George said holding his hand out to her. She shook it briefly. “So, would you like to join me? Betty is more than welcome to come too.” He added.
Betty shook her head, “Oh no, I have plans with friends. But you two should go.” She said, nodding, staring Polly down. Polly sighed quietly.
“Sure. I am hungry.” Polly said. George’s smile widened.
“Thank you. Are you ready now?” He asked.
Betty stood, tugging on Polly’s arm, “Yes she is.” Polly glared at her friend, but stood.
George led her out and away from the camp into a dimly lit little town. He took them down to the main street where there were a number of stores and a handful of people moving in and out of them.
“You seem to know where you’re going.” Polly said.
George nodded, “I do. I’ve been to this camp every year since I was twelve. I like it a lot here. Is this your first year? I’ve never seen you before.”
Polly nodded, “Yes, this is my first year. Betty’s parents paid my way.”
“That’s nice. You’re lucky. She seems like a nice girl.”
Polly nodded, “Yeah, I’ve known her for a while, and her family. They’re nice people.”
“So, what are you hungry for?” George asked as they came towards the center of Main Street.
“Hmm…” Polly said, turning, looking at all the choices she had. “What do you like?” She asked him.

2009-01-05T20:28:00.001-08:00

“Well, I think it’s all pretty good. But I’d say my favorite is Strouds Dine In.” He said.
Polly nodded, “Sounds good.” And George led her into the diner. The diner was a cute little restaurant that had a red and white color scheme. To Polly the smell of the diner was delicious, and reminded her of home. To the right of the diner spread a long, perfect white counter and behind it stood an older gentleman who was serving a customer cola. He looked at them as they walked in and a smile spread across his aged face.
“George! I knew I’d be seeing you sometime soon.” He said. George strolled up to the bar and shook hands with the man.
“Hello Harvey. How are you?”
“I’m good thanks. How are you? Who is this pretty little lady?” Harvey said, smiling down at Polly. George smiled.
“This is Polly, a friend I met at the camp. Polly, this is Harvey.” George said.
Polly smiled and shook Harvey’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.” Harvey said, “What can I get for you two today?”
George shrugged, “We’ll sit down and look over one of your menus, then let you know.”
Harvey nodded, handing them two menus. “I’ll be waiting.”
They sat down in a padded booth and George handed her a menu.

The food was good and so was the conversation. They talked about everything from their families and friends, their likes and dislikes, their accomplishments and goals. Polly found that George loved to camp. This wasn’t his first, or last of the summer. George also liked to swim, and boat and hike. He lived in New York and made a good living working for Kodak.
She explained that she was living in Pennsylvania with her mom and had joined the NCC. She talked about how she liked to cook and bake and sew and knit and how she loved cats.
They finished their filling meal, George paid for them both, and they walked back to the camp in the dark. They continued to talk, and they didn’t seem to run out of things to talk about.
George walked her all the way to her cabin.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” He asked.
Polly nodded, “Sure.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Thank you. This was nice.” Polly was surprised, but she’d actually had a good time.
“I’m glad you think so.” He said smiling. Polly nodded.
“Well, good night.” She said.
“Good night.”

To Polly’s disappointment, the camp was short and lasted only four more days, of which she spent all with George. Each day they went down into the little main street they had gone to their first night and ate better food then they could find at camp.

2009-01-05T20:27:00.001-08:00

It was their second to last day at camp and Polly was trying to forget about what was sure to come. Each day she and George had become more and more fond of each other. They went to lunch early and walked down to the main street. They wondered in the shops and at about noon ate at Harvey’s diner.
“I have some bad news.” George said, as they ate their lunch.
“What’s that?” Polly asked. George put down his burger.
“I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I have another camp to go to, so I have to leave early.” He said. Polly put down her fork, a disappointed look darkening her face.
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly.
Polly nodded, “Me too.”
“But at least we still have today.” George said. Polly nodded. “Let’s try and make today a good one.” He added. Polly nodded.

When lunch was over and done with they walked back to camp. George got a big blanket out of his cabin and he and Polly relaxed in the shade under a big tree.
“I’m really glad I came here.” Polly said.
George nodded, “Me too.”
That sat in silence for a while until George asked, “Would you boat with me?”
Polly’s eyes widened, “You know I don’t like water.”
George nodded, “I know, but don’t you trust me? I promise you’ll be safe.” Polly looked nervous and unsure but she nodded.
George had brought his own canoe which he carried on top of his shoulders over to the lake. Polly watched as he let it out into the water and held one edge at the shore. “Are you ready?” He asked her. She stared out at the lake, then at him, and nodded. He took her hand and helped her into the boat. He carefully got in after her and then pushed them away from shore. Polly sat at one end of the canoe, wringing her hands and looking nervous.
“Relax.” George laughed. “Trust me.” Polly smiled slightly. He paddled out to the center of the big lake and then pulled the ore inside and let them drift.
“It’s been a good week.” George said. Polly nodded. “I have something for you.” He said. He leaned back and out of his front pocket pulled out a little velvet bag. He held it in his palm and pulled from it a thin gold chain that from it hung a little locket. He held it out to Polly who took it with a slightly shaking hand.
“I bought this for you in town. I thought you might like it. It’s something to remember me by. I can send you a picture of me to put in it later.” He said.
Polly smiled, “I love it. Thank you.” She said and carefully put it around her neck. George reached across the canoe and took her hands in his.
“We’ve talked a lot this week, about a lot of things.” He said, “I think that we have a lot in common and have the same goals. Polly, I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I love you, and I want to be with you.”
Polly’s smile widened. “Yes. I love you too. I want to be with you.”
George smiled. He leaned across the canoe and kissed her softly.

They both left the camp by the end of that week, but those memories never left their minds or hearts. They corresponded by letter and were married soon after.

2009-01-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

So I wrote mostly the whole story New Years Eve. I typed it up, printed it out, and gave it to my parents to read, and Megan and I left to watch Twilight. The next morning, Megan and I left early and picked up our cousin Britney and a friend and went out, shopped, watched Australia, and ate at Paradise Bakery. While we were are our cousins house, my mom called. She said, "You made him read and cry."
Grandpa wakes up early most days. That morning he had gone down and was eating his frosted flakes that he always eats each morning at the table. On the table was the story I had wrote. His late wife's name caught his eye and he read the whole thing. He says he loves it and that I had put a lot of stuff that had actually happened without even knowing it.

2008-10-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

The face i held was familiar,
as was his voice.
But his words and tone were new,
and uncharacteristic.
He use to be mine.
But this was not mine.
He was something different.
More so than I think even he realises.
His false feelings and sincerity
only more clearly define
the painful changes of which he refuses.
Denial as he lives.
That being same.
But some is still there.
Just as intense and honest.
But he's not there
Any more.

I Love You

2008-10-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

"It seemed that all would be bearable if, once only, I could have gone to him and whispered in his ear, I love you."
Till We Have Faces
C.S. Lewis

Choose not to,
that's fine,
that's your choice.
Rather not,
that's your choice.
As you wish.
Say as I feel,
Not for attention,
or to force opinion.
I'll say it anyways.
And I will again.
I don't know what you do,
I don't know how you are,
I know that I love you.
And,
No matter how many times,
Weather it's the first
The first thousand,
It's still true
and sincere,
and forever will be.
It's true
And don't forget it.
I'd rather say how I feel
Than not
And regret it
Forever.
"The bitterest tears
Are over things unsaid."
Always I'll tell,
I love you.
I do.
And it's true.
And always will.

Far From It

2008-10-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

He hugged me, and I inhaled the sweet smell of his soft skin off his strong neck.
He smiled. I tried to smile back but it probably looked far from it. His face now held concern, and so did his words as I tried to shrug off how I felt.
I was desperate for something and aiming toward what i thought would work, but when I had it, it didn't feel right, and I wanted to push it away.
I missed his hugs.
And I missed his sweet smell.
But I didn't miss him.

Personalized

2008-10-07T22:39:00.000-07:00

Strips of paper,
fancy stamps,
dark ink,
and glue,
combined together
to make something new.
Something once old,
and repeated,
now personalized,
and just my own.

Awesomeness

2008-09-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

It smelled like a musty old storage space where too many people had left too many things that had been forgotten about and were now accumulating dust and becoming home to numerous spiders.
Ancient chairs were thrown into huge piles, mangled together. Huge chest were stacked one on top of the other. All of it mixing together in a cluttered mess that had been made into a nearly daunting maze.
As I wandered through the thin isles, I did so cautiously, trying to distance myself from the dusty furniture. I could imagine dusty old hands reaching out from the mangled cupboards, gripping my arms as I tried to pass.
It was creepy in all it's awesomeness.

Comfortable

2008-09-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

She looked good, happy, and cute in her thin, silky, black and white polka-dot dress. She smiled and held her arms out. We hugged. Her hair was short and curly. A young man sat next to her, he was quite a contrast next to her tan skin and dark hair.
He smiled, but was quiet.
As she talked I noticed the simple silver ring on her hand that included a little glinting diamond.
They fit well together and she looked comfortable as she held his leg and leaned forward to talk to me.
I marveled over how fast things had changed.
I've always envied her.

5/18/07

2008-09-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

"Though season change, and time goes on,
My love for you, is eternally long.
Yes, trials and change can wear on us,
But never forget that in me you can trust.
I'll hold you close, and dry your
Tears till the end,
I love you Adria, my dearest
friend."

Intoduction - Lion Heart

2008-09-29T18:45:00.002-07:00

Last school year I had to write a research paper for my creative writing class (most of the things I post here are from that class. I'm taking it again this year.) I wrote it on Lion Heart. But I didn't really like what I had come up with, so I wrote something totally new, last minute, and turned it in instead.
My Lion Heart stuff disappeared for a while, but today, I unearthed it and decided to post some of it here.

Background

2008-09-29T18:45:00.001-07:00

This multi-genre research paper is on King Richard, Lion Heart. I knew little of him when I began the paper. I only knew of his death, and that’s what interested me. Such a supposedly great man had died in such a…. Undignified manner. At least that’s how it seems to be.
He was born, as far as we know on September 8 in 1157 in Oxford. His father was Henry 11, King of England and his mother was Eleanor of Aquitaine. He was known as the King, or Richard, the Lionheart. He had four brothers and three sisters. But he was thought to be his mothers’ favorite son.
In 1174, along with his brothers, he revolted against his father. In 1179 he conquered the fortress of Taillebourg. In 1179 his brother Henry the Young King died, leaving Richard as the eldest son. In 1188, with the help of King Philip of France he took over much of his fathers land and his father died soon after. Richard was crown king a few months later in September. He left for the Crusades in the summer of 1190 and was married in 1911 to Berengaria. He was taken prisoner in 1191 and remained so until 1194. He was hit by a young, revenge seeking bowman, a shot that later led to infection and killing him. He died April 6, 1199.

2008-09-29T18:42:00.002-07:00

He was called Lion Heart, and he fit the name. He was a tall, large man, wide broad shoulders. He had strong, muscular arms and legs that looked as though they could crush a man easily. His skin was pale. His eyes were light too, yet serious looking. His hair was shiny, a light red color. He had a serious face and he often looked angry. He looked powerful and it was obvious. We all felt compelled to do as he wished.

(Poem by Richard ~ 1179)

2008-09-29T18:42:00.001-07:00

Ones heart pounded fiercely
And blood could be felt as it pulsed through ones veins.
The air was fresh and cool.
Charente Valley was in full bloom.
Its three surrounding cliffs were steep, but looked a welcoming challenge that I ached for.
The fortress of Taillebourg had been thought to be impregnable,
But we proved that wrong.
The battle was mid-way through.
We were close to breaking through completely.
And they knew it too.
Men came pouring out of the castle.
Stampeding towards us.
Weapons and armor shining.
Their eyes were wide.
I could smell it. They feared me.

Death of a Brother (Poem by Richard ~ June 1183)

2008-09-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

It had been a brutal battle.
Aquitaine had been invaded quickly,
but we were strong.
The man was stabbed, despite his strong fighting.
I watched as he slid, falling down to the ground.
Blood seeped out of his armor.

Henry, the Young King was dead.
My brother was dead.

And now I stood as my fathers living, eldest son.
And now heir to the English crown.

(Journal entry of Richard ~ July 1189)

2008-09-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

My father is now dead. Many are saying I caused it. And that may be partially a truth. We fought a good battle. Anjou, my father’s center of power, was conquered easily. My father met us and agreed to all we said. He died two days later. He was ill, and very weak.
Now I am to be crowned soon. King of England.

2008-09-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

The man watched high at his usual place. Arrow drawn, ready as it was to always be. The large man came into view. He began to applaud when the arrow was turned towards him. The poor young bowman could feel the string slipping in his nervous hands.
An arrow pieced the cold sharp air and hit the expecting man in the shoulder.
But it was not his arrow.
Lion Heart attempted to pull out the arrow himself, but failed. It was removed, but poorly. He later, found and called upon the young man whose arrow had pierced him.
The mighty king watched as the thin, youthful boy gave his story. The boy said the King had killed his father and brothers and wanted revenge. The boy knew he was now to die.
But to his surprise, the king, out of mercy, chose not to execute him, and forgave the boy, saying, “Live on, and by my bounty behold the light of day.”
The boy was then sent away with one hundred shillings.

Lion Heart

2008-09-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

He was a great man.
He was widely known and widely feared.
He was strong,
courageous,
wise,
a great leader,
merciful,
and yet brutal.
He ruled and conquered much.
He was Lion Heart.

Merry Nameless Tune

2008-09-24T10:08:00.001-07:00

He use to whistle.
A lot.
Loudly.
But well.
He doesn't anymore.
Instead,
He's quiet.
I don't remember the last time
I heard his merry nameless tune.
I miss it.
A lot.

It Stopped

2008-09-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

My white fingers gripped the side of the bed. Thin and shaking. Frail and fragile. Each aching, raspy breath was slow and uneasy, coming in short gasps. My brain throbbed as I recounted the harsh and careless words burned in. I wanted to scream in pain, but my extreme lack of normal amounts of energy, and dry, itchy throat wouldn’t allow it. Every inch of me was drained of energy and ached. I could only barely feel my heart dully thump inside of me. It did so slowly, barely enough to get blood to all ends of me. But it was slowing. I could feel it. Its reach growing less, and less.
Until finally,
It stopped.

The Dream

2008-09-04T10:06:00.000-07:00

It was cold. Goose bumps covered my skin. I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to retain heat. I wandered through the thick trees, eyes scanning.
I couldn't see very far. It was dark and gloomy. The thick gray fog only added to it.
Finally, to my relief, i broke through the thick forest and stepped quietly onto a thin dirt road. Still, I couldn't see far. The road went straight, cutting through the trees, disappearing into the tick gray fog that hung close to the ground.
I wrapped my long cloak around me more tightly and sat down in the road. I felt over dressed in such a place in my long, elegant dress and cloak.
I sat waiting, swallowed in the eerie silence and cold.
He said he'd come. Come and save me.
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
But he never came.

-----

2008-09-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

There are so many ways to describe it.
It's painful,
And extremely uncomfortable.
It feels like some ones pressing against my chest.
Like my ribs are holding too much weight and about to collapse.
Like I'm going deeper into water and my body can't handle the pressure.
Always wishing to be released.

Pointless Wishing?

2008-09-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Pull out a lash and blow it."
-The Middle Man

I carefully removed the misplaced eyelash from my eyeball and examined it, blinking to refocus. Can I still wish on it if it's been in my eye? Or the fact that it's been there shadow some sort of bad luck?
I took the risk and blew; the third of the day.

My Masterpiece

2008-08-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

I stood steady, waiting. My hands tightly gripping the round wood.

I took a deep breath and began.

I stepped back, twisting my hips,

flicking my wrists, fast and forcefully.

I could hear the wood slice through the cool air.

All my movements were fast, fierce, and flowed together seamlessly.

I could feel my power through the wood as I cut through the air,

my body twisting and turning.

It all fueled my energy.

After a final turn it came to a sudden stop,

And I ended with a bow.

2008-07-27T09:22:00.001-07:00

Momma's Boy

2008-07-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

She looked thin, pretty, and happy, as she always did. She held the plump little boy in her arms. He held his arms out to me and she passed him to me, a grin spreading across my face. Her face looked surprised, and her voice and words proved it, “He must really like you,” She said, “He’s usually a momma’s boy.”
I smiled down at him. He smiled back. I was thrilled.
We sat down in the lightly cushioned chairs. I tickled him and he giggled and wiggled. Eventually she took her young son back. She held him up, their faces level, talking to him. He reached out and gripped her bottom lip, pulling it. “Ow!” She wined, leaning back, glaring at him.
He laughed.

Crooked Smile

2008-05-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

I smiled as i held the tiny individual.
He was so light and small.
He kept his eyes closed until i moved.
He opened them and looked grumpy.
Then, slowly, eventually, he gave me a crooked smile.
I grinned.
I wasn't done holding him.
I wanted to steal him and make him mine.

Stab Caesar

2008-05-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

All throughout history there has always been some one in charge. Some one who is thought to be better than all the rest. Some one who people, some times, honors, respects, and looks up to. The person is usually extremely confident and self righteous. And as a result they are often despised by a good number of people. But this person, in my opinion, is not necessary for a stable society. At all. People just need to pull their own heads out.
I think that the human brain has great potential, people just need to be willing to open it up and use it to their advantage. Are we really so uneducated and dependant that we need some one to be in charge of us even when we're old elders? I don't think we are.
Really, the only reason someone is in charge is because they see flaws in every one else that they think they can, and need to fix. And also that humans are always reaching forward with the top goal of prestige. And that's a harder thing to change. People only need another thing to be focused on. People should realise their full potential. And when every one does, they will realise how unnecessary it is to be trapped under one persons power.
But I doubt it's something that will ever change. Sadly.

Reality

2008-04-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

Love, most would say, is a very common and often happening thing i the world today. And so, broken heart are also, sadly.
Love for most, is usually a great experience that they usually enjoy. Love i the over whelming feelings and thoughts of only ever thinking about one person. A person who you feel is the most wonderful, amazing person ever. Some one who you only want to make happy. The only person you want to ever spend time with. Some one who you think is the center of the world. Some one you feel like you could never life without.
And then you find your poor heart being horribly stabbed, often multiple times. You'd already given it away completely, so you've lost all chane of protecting it as you helplessly watch it being stabbed and squeezed to death, then be dropped and stomped on the ground, never to be touched again. Forever scarred and deformed with little hope of repair.
You scoop it back up, and despite your efforts it won't feel any better and every pulsing heart beat is an extremely painful reminder of everything you once had.
Some say it's possible to die from a broken heart. People give up on life, unable to move on from their long lost love. Slowly, the extreme depression combined with stress, loneliness, along with the unwillingness and uncare to live results in a down ward spiral of good health. Possibly leading to death.
Some don't believe one can die from a broken heart, but I do. A broken heart is a terribly consuming thing and it eats you both mentally and physically.
Death from a broken heart is a painful reality.

The Limit Does Not Exist.

2008-04-25T16:36:00.001-07:00

He looked tired and worn out. And despite it being his own decision, she felt it was her

fault. And how he looked took a toll on her already low self esteem. She felt a million times

worse. She was alone, unloved, uncared for, useless and depressed. Not to mention hurt and

guilty, all at the same time.

“You haven’t been eating, have you?”

She looked up and met his eyes. Now he looked frustrated and bothered. The truth was she

hadn’t been. She wasn’t hungry. And never was. And as a result, she was pale, shaky, and

growing steadily unhealthy. And she was losing weight, fast.

She nodded.

He sighed, and took her hand.

“Things are complicated. But only for now.”

She looked up, her eyebrows pressing together.

“No, you make it complicated. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

He sighed.

“You say I choose to be depressed. And if that’s true than you choose to let things be

complicated too.”

He let go of her hand. She could tell he was getting even more frustrated.

“I’m so sick of this.” He whispered, “ Just choose to be happy. I have.”

The words hurt.

She shook her head, “I’ll be happy when you stop complicating things.”

Even his cool blue eyes looked angry.

“You make it complicated. You don’t have to. Take down the walls of complication you’ve

put up in your mind. The limit does not exist.”

I Love...

2008-04-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

I love the weight
I love the odd feeling of only using one eye
I love snapping
I love clicking
I love viewing it all up close
I love viewing it all artisticly
I love the selective blurring
I love the not knowing
I love the automatic aping
I love subjects
I love the natural
I love the candid
I love the odd
I love the posed
I love the editing
I love the outcome
I love flickr
I love photography.

The Dark-Haired Man

2008-04-09T20:01:00.000-07:00

This gorgeous yet awesomely gruff guy walks in. Long, shiny, dark hair. Inviting for my fingers to run through. The gruffness, brought on by a full-face, prickly beard. Not thick, but enough to be noticed. Friendly smile, bold features, awesome blue eyes make him categorized as gorgeous. Topped off with a sharp black suit, a thick silver wrist watch. And one last thing; a small, silver band, left hand, wedding finger. Which gives me hope.

Slide

2008-04-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

There it was. The one little red rock. Not too far, but not close enough to easily reach. I felt like a young, tiny child, seeing the tempting cookie jar that was just out of my reach. I would have to jump for it.
First jump.
A miss.
Hand stretched out, wide spread fingers slapping the cool, rock wall and sliding back down with the rest of me.
Second jump.
Again a miss.
Arms and legs shaking now. Growing quickly tired and drained of energy. But I would not let this defeat me.
One last leap...
And victory!
Now, the rest of the wall to climb…

First Post

2008-03-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

Adria

This is were I plan to share most of my writings, and some pictures I take. For my first entry this is a rather dull one, I know that, more will be added soon, more interesting things. I'm still familiarizing my self with the layout and how everything works...

I am sixteen years old. I am a junior in High School. I enjoy writting and photography. I'm currently trying to get the position of school photographer at my school. I really hope I get it! I also ejoy rock climbing and bike riding and the usual of spending time with friends.

I write a lot. It's more journaling though. Thoughts turn into poems and random ramblings. I've been writting almost everyday for over a year. I have almost four journals that are completely filled up, but I doubt you'll see much of what's in there.